Monday Memos

To: My favorite Costco greeting lady

Your question to the young repair man today: 'Are you here to fix the leaking coffin?' might have thoroughly disturbed him, but it added just that extra surreal edge to my shopping experience. Thanks.

To: Young man in front of me at the cafe the other morning

I was intrigued by your ten-minute ritual in the line, hoiking your out-sized jeans up and down to achieve just the right amount of boxer-short display acreage. And if you were trying to grab the attention of the very attractive young ladies just to my right, that last yank that accidently included the boxers as well as the jeans definitely did the trick.

To: Homeless man who accosted me outside Einstein's

Sir - for future reference, my refusal to your slurred and fragrant request for spare change will probably be much more polite if you remember to hang up your cell phone first.