Thursday, May 11, 2006

Costco musings

I'm the designated Costco shopper for the family. That's fine since I'm also the person who works halfway to Costco, so it's less trouble for me to head up there. Plus, as I push the oversized cart around the warehouse I have time to think deep and philosophical thoughts. Like these:

1. Human beings come in an amazing variety of shapes and sizes. This makes me question anthropologists who assume entire species based on a single incomplete skeleton.

2. Just about anything useless or poorly made can be sold quickly and easily by putting it with other equally useless items (not necessarily related), wrapped in cellophane, and labelled 'kit' or 'gift pack.' Couldn't this truth be exploited in other ways? Maybe we could get foreign nations to accept our excess and irritating public figures by packaging them up tastefully... we could have the scientology six-pack, the botox bunch etc. Worth a try.

3. The greatest threat to America today is that some terrorist will recognize the potential inherent in the trained response we have to Costco snack carts. The sight of small paper cups on a shiny steel cart causes everyone in the vicinity to a. shut their brain down completely and b. swerve violently in the direction of the cart. You can tell a. because it doesn't even have to be food on the cart - I've seen it happen with dishwashing tablets and sponges. Further thought made me wonder if this behavior is actually an extention of what happens around voting booths, but unfortunately at that moment I saw a Costco snack cart and my brain shut down so I couldn't work out the connection.

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