Thursday, April 13, 2006

Casting call

I park a long way from work - a loooooooooong way from work. So I have a variety of things to think about as I walk because it's either that or doing mental math about finances which is depressing and doesn't actually accomplish anything. Thinking of how to cast the made-for-tv-movie of this whole mess also doesn't accomplish anything, but it's a lot more fun.

So I'm thinking Emma Thompson for me, only I'd like her to do a reverse Nanny McPhee thing, so she ends up with the warts and the unibrow. That way I'll look really, really good myself in the making-of DVD.

To complement that maybe Alan Rickman for Kirk. Only I think we'll need to give him a cape because he does such a fantastic swish in the Harry Potter films. That's okay though, we'll just make it a period film and have Kirk disappear in the Napoleonic wars or something.

The kids will definitely need to be computer generated; at least one of them should probably be an animal too, like a terribly endearing dog. That way I can get a tour of Weta Workshops, and hopefully nick some of their tools when they're not looking. Plus I'll get to use 'scan the maquette,' in a sentence and I've wanted to do that since I saw the Lord of the Rings extended edition.

The CID guys will obviously have to be condensed into a single character - probably female. Keira Knightly can do that; what kind of actress is she if she can't play a female version of several old American CID agents? Only she'll need to be a feisty and rebellious secret agent for the king. Maybe we can work out some lethal hat pins or something.

She'll need a love interest as well I suppose... maybe a French aristocrat fighting to recover the honor and lands of his ancestors. Or he could be a sailor on an English ship who can either die in her arms after heroically saving whichever kid ends up being the dog, or, after a series of terrible misunderstandings in which he questions her intelligence, her loyalty, and her virtue (not necessarily in that order) he learns the truth in one crashing moment complete with dramatic embrace. At that point I (Emma remember) can give them my blessing on my death bed... come to think of it I think I'll have to be considerably older. Maybe Angela Lansbury is free.

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