I've written about seven posts in my head, none of which will hit the screen and I'll be darned if I have figured out even yet what to write.
Yes, four years ago today Kirk went missing from a road in Iraq. You can read the story here. A little over a year ago the investigating agency told us they believe that Kirk was killed that day. You can read a very brief description of how we found that out here.
So how do we, the Children and I, deal with today? One Child was invited to a meeting this evening, and looked at me in concern. "But mom, it's the 9th..." I know, and I told Child what I still believe - that loving Kirk means not turning the 9th into a day of mourning, that missing him doesn't mean shutting everything down and turning out the lights because we have to be Very Very Sad today. We are, of course we are, but Kirk would hate to think of us spending the day that way. Child should go to its meeting and enjoy itself.
It does sit there though, the day. I've been exceptionally aware of it this year although I don't know why, and all morning its been waiting at the edge of my mind, waiting to see what I'm going to do about it.
So I guess this is what I'm doing - just acknowledging that it's today and that this year, this day, that's about as much as I can do.