Monday, January 26, 2009

Vocabulary

If you're going to come hiking with us, it's probably a good idea to get your terminology down first, just to avoid confusion. For example:

Sproinking: Climbing large boulders in a goat-like fashion, preferably enormous collections of rock off the main trail and providing ample opportunity to tumble off, breaking one's neck in the process.

Stealth-cactus: Vicious, thorn covered plants growing a) in or around the perfect hand-hold b) above a rock face exactly where one's head pops up or c) at ankle level on a narrow ledge or crevice, frequently hidden behind an innocuous plant for better camouflage.

Spider-pigging: Getting up rock faces or boulders in a way that would make experienced rock-climbers or mountaineers laugh like drains. Can include actions such as the backwards hoist (hoiking one's arse up a boulder while shoving hard with one's hands and scrabbling with one's feet), the modified chimney (bracing on one side with one's foot, knee bent, clutching the other side with one's hand then straightening the knee and hopefully moving upward) and the Child 2 starfish special (newly invented - involves rolling oneself at a bizarre angle down the rock face, meeping* for a moment, refusing all offers of help and then lunging into a desperate spread-eagle thus achieving the far easier, hand-hold rich side of the face which one had rejected with scorn as a path down).

[Male Child] route: Highly dangerous path which should never, ever be taken by anyone of any intelligence - particularly if the Male Child recommends it with words like "small gap" (read: three foot crevasse), "little jump" (read enormous leap over even larger crevasse, usually onto a face with an angle only slightly off 90 degrees), "fun way" (involves at least three "little jumps" and two bits that can only be achieved if one is blessed with enormously long arms and no body mass to speak of whatsoever) and "rock running" (read: falling with enormous style - race down a steep slope to build up speed and then sprint over as much vertical rock wall as one can, landing, hopefully, on soft sand at the end with a bit of a stagger which, inevitably, is turned into momentum for the next rock run)

*Bonus word - meeping: High-pitched chirping performed by Child 2, named after the most distinctive syllable which Child 2 produced while on an outing with me a month or so ago. Child 2 denies totally and vehemently that it meeps (in fact it will doubtless be 104 and in a care home still shouting "AY DEW NUT MEEP!"), but trust me, it meeps, it totally meeps.

So, wanna come along next weekend?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

And you do this in 3 1/2" black leather half-boots?

child 2 said...

notice how mature i am. i choose to ignore you. i deny you exist, note the thoroughness of the ignoritude.
i abgeignore.




and i DONT meep!

Child 3 said...

A small jump is not what you say it is. rock running is not falling with extreme style but is in fact a method where you spend no time or effort at all with upward thrust and in fact use your legs to launch yourself forward and let gravity do the rest. and Child 2, you totally meep.

Megan said...

anonymous - oh I'd love to claim that but sadly, no I just take 'em along for the trip. Worse, my beloved hiking boots well and truly died this year and I haven't replaced them yet so I've been wearing an out-grown pair of the Male Child's work boots which are about 1.5" too long and have horrible slippery plastic soles - truly awful. Maybe I should go check out REI outlet again...

Child 2 - totally. I call your attention to the other night when you spent half an hour helplessly meeping and giggling on the floor.

Child 3 - sorry, you're right, a small jump is much, much more horrible than that! Also your description of rock running is completely incomprehensible to me - but then I can't figure it out even when watching you do it!

child 2 said...

thet wuz nut mipping!!!

child 2 said...

and you haven't been blogging very much lately

Anonymous said...

Child 3, please make child 2 meep at school and do it when we all can get photographic evidence. Also could you tell child 1 I said hi? -Cadet

A piper friend of Child 2 said...

Child 2 squeaks, squaks, chips, chirps, makes chicken sounds, and makes a VERY strange "gack" ing sound, but DOES NNNNOOOOOOOTTTTTTT meep.

child 2 said...

this is why piper is superior in all things!