Thursday, May 01, 2008

Superhero

The male child has a super power.

Well, it has several along the lines of Constant and Irritating Noise and Eating By Means of Total Devastation of All Foodstuffs and things like that but most males its age have those. No, it has a special super power, one it has always had. It is a pedant.

Like: PEDant Man! (musical theme riff, spiffy costume of orange tights with "P" emblazoned on chest).

I used to say he acted in support of pedantism to which Kirk would reply, "that's pedantry I think." Gee, I wonder where Male Child got it?

However it is an ism with this Child. It's a full-on, emotionally charged belief system. That belief system goes something like: Things Should Be Correct! And I Know What Is Correct.

It even has a catch phrase. It goes, "Well, but actually..."

There are a couple of minor problems with this.

First, the Male Child, while totally convinced of its own erudition and wisdom is, dare I say it, not always right.

Second, even in total and complete ignorance the Male Child is happy to state absolutely and with assurance that Thus Is So.

Fortunately it (whom we often refer to as Pedanto) is also happy to learn the real truth (as opposed to The Definitively But Ignorantly Stated "Truth") even if it does take bar charts, PowerPoint presentations and judicious application of hefty blunt objects to get the point across.

Pedanto, a few things I would really like you to learn:

A. Concussed persons should not climb. Nor should they spin things. Nor should they bounce on the furniture.

B. When the mother of the concussed person tells it to eat something very simple first to see if it is going to throw up, the concussed person should not wolf down a cinnamon-raisin bagel while waiting for said simple food to heat up. This, oddly enough, defeats the purpose.

C. If a person has been recently, if mildly, concussed, it should make an effort not to run into anything with its head for a few days.

And finally, well loved Male Child of mine, when reading over this simple list a sensible person desiring of continuing in reasonable, if slightly concussed, health should not turn to it's mother and say, "Well, but actually..."

6 comments:

amorphous and unnamed child said...

you should have seen the other guy

For Kirk said...

THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY THOUGH!! Good heavens...

Duck said...

I have one of those. I spend most of my life with pursed lips having been corrected (occasionally erroneously - he's 7). Can't live with them, can't kill them.

For Kirk said...

... but sometimes consider it... briefly.

Clare Sudbery said...

I have to confess, this is my least favourite age for children. When they become convinced that they are right about everything, and will not be told otherwise. Most tedious. My son isn't there yet, but he's moving in that direction.

Still, your own kids are always much brillianter than everyone else's, right? Please?

For Kirk said...

Well naturally! Mine are fantastically intelligent. They just choose not to use it. Quite often. In very simple ways. That might involve bodily harm.

And... male child has been in this stage since it was... erm... about 4. It is now a hulking teen. Just warning you. However, it is quite charming about its pedantism!