Saturday, August 02, 2008


The problem is that I'm a computer person.

I didn't set out to be a computer person. I set out to be a history professor. I would wear pencil skirts, immaculate white blouses and fabulous shoes - possibly even a stylish scarf although I have yet to manage to tie a scarf any way but the one that says, "Look! I'm being throttled by a paisley constrictor!" I would lecture on cultural history to small halls of eager young students who would debate passionately on Louis XIV's use of interior decorating as political weaponry.

I wrote papers on the evolution of the illuminated manuscript. I discussed etiquette in Milton's Paradise Lost. I received honors for researching gardens in England and France during the crucial period between 1750 and 1820. I knew what palimpsest meant for heaven's sake.

Then reality hit a little what with Alaska (which is a lovely place but not known for its advanced programs on early modern history) and still needing a job and things and I found myself with a nice book on HTML and a handful of contracts from people who believed that if I didn't know everything about web design at least I knew more than they did.

Which is why I am now, willy-nilly, a computer person, a person who cannot do any work at all, none, without a computer, and why I spent a week and a half doing a hyper-speed version of raising a child. There was the stage of endless neediness, the teething pains, the terrible tantrums and the years and years of irrational behavior. Finally after an endless effort to educate my new computer, a painful process involving one monitor, one slow sulky old computer (sorry darling but I'm afraid it's over between us), well over 12 gig of essential files (yes, after a deep and ruthless purge) and 1 - ONE - flash drive that could hold a grand total of 1 gig, I believe we have reached a sort of maturity in our relationship. There are still scars, and I'm not yet over the hours spent muttering, "I am SO the boss of you," under my breath, but I think we're ready to approach each other with respect. But it was painful.

Which is why it was so good to come home at the end of the day to the much anticipated, long desired delivery. With the help of two Children I am happy to announce our family additions:

Twin 1

Twin 2

I had to do a little photoshop work to sort of artistically express how cool these little [slightly lawn-mowerish] 50cc darlings are but I think I can sum it up in just one small phrase:

80 mpg.


Anonymous said...

80? thats so cool! i might look into that. and not only is it functional as far as gas goes, but its fassionable! its small, shiny, efficient, the exact opposite of your average american! no wonder they're kicking off so well, its a change!

Anonymous said...

birth must have been painful. imagine the size of you!!!!!!!!
-sarcastic fiend

For Kirk said...

anonymous1 why yes it is fassionable and you're lucky I know who you are so I can be snotty about spelling without feeling guilt!

anonymous sarcastic fiend - it's all in the breathing baby, all in the breathing.

sprecacenere said...

And I thought ONE weight gain and ONE hospital stay, yielding TWO human beings was impressive... I must go now and find a broom AND dustpan to sufficiently lift my self-esteem up off the floor!

For Kirk said...

Okay. Okay. I'm shamed into admitting it. The twins... are adopted. There. Confessed.

EMILY said...

oooooh shiney!!

wow, actually, they are really worth waiting for, they look so....pretty?? Am i allowed to say that about machinery withour sounding obsessively girly?

Meep, im all for adoption, especially if said twins are that size! :)

sprecacenere said...

Adopted, yes. But... we all know the REAL task lies in the MAINTENANCE and SUPERVISION that follows any delivery! With 3 children, how will you work out that pesky, little detail of WHO gets to ride WHEN?

child 2 said...

we are not allowed to touch the shiny.