It's finals week which means:
Little lost lambs are once more roaming the halls, trapping themselves down the very last corridor (mine) and bleating anxiously until rescued. My favorites are the ones who end up at my office and say hopefully, "Dean so-and-so? I just need this form signing..." Um... no.
Three little freshmen were sobbing bitterly at the bus stop when I ran by this morning simply because life had been cruel enough to curse them with a 7:30 AM exam in basic algebra. I might have suppressed my giggles slightly more successfully if two of them had not had "princess" and "slut" printed in sparkly script across their rather large bottoms.
The fac totum at the front desk is channeling her inner dragon to convince several hundred optimists that NO they cannot turn in their grubby collection of papers anonymously at the front desk and YES their instructor was telling the truth about the need for personal interaction at the end of the semester. Also, stop rolling your eyes at me young man and wait outside your prof's door just like everyone else.
The convocation program which was begun a week and a half ago and meant to be emailed to the printer last Friday will now not be completed until tomorrow afternoon. Again. Just like last year. Next year I'm sending it out as is, with notes all over saying "WHO is presenting the damn awards??" and "WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW IF WE'RE HAVING A SPEAKER??"
One delightful faculty member has already asked three times if we can cancel finals this week. I voted yes.
Another four have opined that a single, mild case of swine flu would be a really, really good thing for the campus in general. I've suggested speculative coughing in the main admin building couldn't hurt anything.
Those who successfully defended dissertations over the last two weeks have now lost their gloss of well earned smug self-congratulation and are sadly facing up to the stacks and stacks of Expository Writing assignments that somehow came home to roost in the mean time. Their peers are faking sympathy. Their mentors are ordering enough pizza to last out a siege. It will not be enough.
Child 1 has taken one final already, whizzing through it in record time and having its instructor grade it in front of the entire (still final taking) class. He only found one error.
Child 1 was not lynched.
Finals week does produce a few minor miracles still.