While travelling to the Superior Aunt and Uncle's for Superior Turkey, I overheard a security guard administering a sobriety test:
Guard: Okay sir, why don't you recite the alphabet from D to T for me.
Man: Okay... um... EFGRLMN... wait, starting where?
Guard: D. D to T
Man: Right... D... EF... RSPQ... See, you're making me really tense here, I'm really nervous which is why I'm having trouble sir!
Guard: I understand, that's okay. Tell you what, why don't you count backwards for me, from thirty?
Man: Yes sir, no problem! 30, 29, 28, 27, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26....
Guard: I get a little mixed up in the twenties too, don't worry about it. Let's see, can you tell me what time it is without consulting a clock?
Man: Six? No, wait! Eight!!
Guard: Well, we've established that you don't know your alphabet, you can't count, and you have no idea what time it is. Can you tell me how much education you have?
Man: A lot! I have a college degree sir.
Guard: What in?
Man: Business.
Guard: Ah. Well, that explains it then!
And he let him on the plane.
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