Suggestions

Dear Women's Clothing Manufacturers:

In the current economic crisis I'm sure you're aware that it's your responsibility to encourage customers to return to the market-place and spend their money, increasing consumer confidence and hopefully speeding the recovery we all hope for. Isn't it nice when patriotic duty and innate greed coincide so beautifully? As a concerned citizen and an (occasional) shopper I feel it's important that I share the following suggestions with you. I hope you receive them in the spirit in which they were given.

1. I am not a piece of furniture. Please stop trying to upholster me.

2. Nor am I a toddler. I require neither extreme ruffles nor enormous bows.

3. "Fit" is an important word. I suggest it does not imply either bulging flesh or billowing, tent-like fabric. Perhaps a happy medium?

4. "Waist-band," another interesting word, actually gives a subtle hint as to its meaning. I have no desire to hear the come-on line tried on a friend of a Child's, "you have the nicest plumber's crack I've ever seen!" Really, an inch or two, it's all I'm asking.

5. "Classic." Please investigate the implications in fashion. I think you'll find that it does not refer to the more extreme and less salubrious trends of the 80's.

6. Bold color, bold pattern or bold cut - choose one. At a pinch, choose two, but only very, very carefully.

7. Leggings are vile. They will always be vile. Even on the twiggiest of pop-tarts or starlets they are STILL VILE. Just stop.

8. Reworking your sizing system so what was once a six is now a four does not, actually, make me believe I'm a size smaller than I used to be. Nor does it flatter me into thinking I have to buy, for example, a lime-green pair of cotton pedal-pushers patterned all over with yellow smiley-faces simply because they say "4" on the label and they fit.

9. There are out there women who are a) not 18, b) not interested in the fashion "designs" of Lohan, Hilton, Simpson et al and c) more than willing to pay for clothing that fits and is flattering. Look into it. Could be the next big market for you.

Most sincerely,

etc.