There's a theory that actually human beings are just a product of viruses who use us as highly evolved mechanisms for getting around. In which case public school has to be the culminating achievement of virus-kind.
The Children have now had several weeks sitting in enclosed spaces with large numbers of other kids who, apparently, have spent their summer usefully contracting nasty air-borne bugs. They have breathed in a cocktail of rhinoviruses and coronaviruses for days now, carefully incubated the more exotic of the species and now, drat 'em, they have brought them home to me.
I need a tissue.