Confessional

I have a terrible secret. It's something I'm quite ashamed of really. You couldn't tell by looking at me, but... I... well, I make... stuff. No, time to be honest. I make crap. And usually, almost always, it's totally useless crap as well.

This crap making definitely gets worse if I'm under-employed. When we first lived in California and I hadn't gotten a job yet, Kirk once came home to find I had blown and handpainted half a dozen eggs - with extremely detailed, tiny little still-lifes. To give him credit he admired them very nicely and didn't once say, 'um... but what, exactly are these for?'

When I joined him in Texas, coming off an extremely intense final semester of college, we weren't going to be there long enough to get a job, so instead I encrusted a hand-made red bodice with thousands and thousands of silver bugle beads. It looked fantastic when it was done, but must have weighed at least 4 pounds and was perhaps a little extravagant for the 7 year old's halloween costume. The child had asked to be a vampire; I'm not sure how silver beads work into the legend.

That same child wanted to be a mermaid one year in Alaska so I sewed and then hand beaded several hundred separate scales in varying shades of blue, green and silver. She even had a magnificent tail picked out in beads. That one only took two months to finish off.

There was a dragon costume at one point, also covered with individual scales. There was the birthday party for which I sewed tiny flower pouches and made several dozen decorated paper cones to fill with candy. And there have been many, many small dolls, rabbits, bears and other items hardly worth mentioning.

And the funny thing is, I don't really like a lot of the stuff I design. It's often kitchy or country or calico while I love simple lines and neo-classical design. So I make all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't even want in my own house.

But since Kirk went missing I haven't really done much. There was the ring-wraith costume of course, but that's hardly worth mentioning (besides, that was cool). The impulse just wasn't there; the 'oh wow, how could I make that?' didn't even come up. I've been doing a huge amount of digital work of course - lots of photo work, lots of graphic design, lots of web stuff - but almost nothing physical.

Until last week when I was hit over the side of the head and realized there was something I simply had to make. It's not done yet, probably take another week or so. So...

...If you know anyone who would want a pink flannel pig dressed in a pin-tucked black witch's costume, hand beaded of course and probably with crotcheted lace on her socks... well, let me know.

I know I don't want it!